Crypt of the Cola Lich

on baz luhrmann movies

When I was a kid my favorite treat at Dairy Queen was a blizzard made from soft serve chocolate ice cream and nerds candies. This combination can be described as sweet in the same was that a Saturn V rocket launch can be described as “noisy”. It made the muscles in your jaw tense just thinking about the shock of the 11 types of artificial sugars and insane mixture of chocolate and fruit flavors (not just one fruit its all of them, rainbow style). After the initial impact of the acidic sugar rush is almost processed by the “eating things” part of your brain, it has to deal with the fact that the thing you are eating is simultaneously “hard and crunchy”, and “smooth and creamy”, and they are both happening in your mouth right now at the same time goddammit.

I loved it then but when I tried one years later as an adult I was unable to process the absolutely nightmarish sensory overload I once adored, and that’s kinda how I feel about baz luhrmann movies.

I’m not planning on going to see Gatzby, but I sure am excited to see 1 million pictures from it on my dash for the next 15 years!!!